Category: joke

Someone put a penguin wrapper in my lunch box today. They must have thought it was funny.

I thought Marco Simoncelli died this morning? He seems to be doing alright in the centre of Chelsea’s defence

An American chicken would block the road

I’ve just seen an old guy collecting Tesco trolleys and I reckon he needs to stop showing off at his age. He’s pushing 60.

A blonde sees a psychiatrist for a recurring dream she keeps having. She says: “I see myself running away from lots of people in a hallway, and at the end of the hallway there’s a door and I push as hard as I can to open it, but it won’t budge!” The doctor replies; “Don’t […]

BBC NEWS – RBS boss Stephen Hester announces losses of 3.6bn Seems the only thing he hasn’t lost is his virginity.

What do you get when you cross a Bridge with a Zebra? Stared at.

British Taxi Driver 12 – 10 Israeli Commando Force Match abandoned due to suicide. Pools panel result – Home win.

My jokes are like golden showers. Probably inappropriate for children, but fun to share with them, all the same.

I always confuse the words exotic and erotic…….Which just made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.

I spent an hour in the cinema yesterday walking past young kids and I got kicked out for no apparent reason. All I was doing was pretending to be on the phone saying “Yeah, i can’t BELIEVE they killed harry!”.

My friend said that sometimes he positions his body completely horizontally. Surely that’s a lie?

What do you call a man that has a pole stuck through the middle of his leg? Rodney.

I only have vague memories of my childhood, although I remember very clearly falling off my bike and impaling my head on the branch of a tree. That sort of thing sticks in your brain.

I saw this guy boasting that he was great at maths,so I went up to him an asked him” If a hole is 3 feet by 6 feet by 6 feet,how much dirt is in the hole” “108 cubic feet.” he answered smugly, so I politely said there’s no dirt it’s a hole!” and walked […]