Category: joke

“I’ll rub, and then you squirt” I said to my wife in the bedroom last night, we had the polishing done in no time.

What’s white and sticky? Peter Crouch

Sometimes, in my free time, I like to take a biro with me to a restaurant and draw inverted comma’s around random ingredients on the menu.

I’ve always seen the colour red as implying some kind of urgency……. However this theory doesn’t seem to apply to the Royal Mail.

High fives. Mocking people with four fingers for hundreds of years.

I’m the sort of guy who likes to take risks Like there was this one time where I filled the kettle above max

My girlfriend kept saying jokes from recent bandwagons. So I left the room.

Finally my coffee has arrived, despite not being what I ordered. Still… better latte than never.

My taste in women is a lot like my joke history. They both suck

The arkward moment in 2013 when every girl is pregnant…

Just been to see Postman Pat doing Stand Up. His material was a bit thin but the delivery was good.

When I was in the army we adopted a stray dog and taught him how to play fetch. He was a friendly old thing and all the lads got really fond of him. Shame we had to shoot him when he got loose during grenade practise.

That’s the thing about indifference – I can take it or leave it.

I recently got sacked from my job as a hospital radio DJ. Apparently playing stairway to heaven isn’t acceptable.

Lost in the desert for three days, a man suddenly hears, “Mush!” Looking up, he sees what he thinks is a mirage: an Eskimo on a sled, driving a team of huskies. To his surprise, the sledge comes to a stop at his feet seconds later. “I don’t know why you’re here, but thank goodness,” […]