Category: joke

Guess what I did when I went out for a leisurely stroll through Tehran city centre earlier today? I ran.

My wife is so fat that she barely fits in the small valley that we live in. And that’s why they say ‘Faith will move mountains’.

I was walking through town yesterday when a bloke asked me if I wanted a balloon for my daughter. I said, “No, but you can have her for your watch.”

I like to imagine Che Guevara joining Twitter, agonising over which picture to use as his avatar.

I’m going to an auction this weekend. I’m hoping to get something for my wife. I’d be happy with a tenner.

A yank walks into a bar and walks straight out again! It was a salad bar.

I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 10:00 p.m. tonight.

You know who I feel sorry for? Those sad blokes whose car exhaust pipes aren’t big or loud enough to pull women.

I eventually caught up with the woman who stole all my new material. I was too late, she’d already made two sets of curtains and a pillow case.

I’ve had enough of being a teacher. Today I’ve been sworn at on three occasions, told several people to stop smoking and broken up two fights.. And that was just in the Staff Room.

My wife’s resting in peace. Which is why this prank involving a bucket of water and a foghorn is going to be hilarious.

I was chatting with this big fat bird in the pub the other day, When my mates shouted; Oi! quit disturbing the parrot!

As my wife breathed her last breath, I felt a lump in my throat. I’d swallowed her inhaler, but it was worth it.

My wife has hay fever, and on Sunday she had a very bad allergic reaction. Through swollen lips, and struggling to breath, she gasped “Call me a doctor.” “You’re a doctor.” I replied.

If, in your relationship, you continue to hear, “You’re smothering me”, then you’re probably not holding the pillow down tight enough!