Category: joke

As we approached the lion enclosure the Warden on the gate waved for me to stop the car. “Is that your daughter?” he asked. “Yes, and I know what you’re going to say,” I replied, “But she’s only five. If I don’t raise her car seat a bit, she can’t see the animals. She’s strapped […]

I bought some black face paint before. It’s really convincing. As soon as i put it on I lost my job and I’m in court this Wednesday.

Just saw a bunch of blokes knocking ten bells out of some household waste as it rolled by on a conveyor belt. It was a rubbish punch-line.

At work today an Indian woman got fired apparently JIHAD to go.

I tried fitting in with a group of young raisins recently. Didn’t go too well. I guess I wasn’t current enough.

SUN NEWSPAPER: WHSmith has sparked outrage by selling a graphic manual on suicide (priced 11.99). Sod paying for that. I’ll get it from the library instead.

A man walks into a bar and says, “Ouch!” The barman asks, “What did you say that for?” The man replies, “I heard it in a joke once.”

My wife tells me I don’t understand pausing for effect.

Every once in a while I stop and think, “I know you can read my thoughts.” Just in case.

Being mute is nothing to shout about.

Has anyone else noticed that, if you have a job, you actually don’t have time to make up anagram jokes?

A man manages to tunnel his way out of prison and emerges in a school playground. “I’m free, I’m free” he proclaims. “So what” says a little girl “I’m four”

my only goal in life is to own my own pub and call it “The Go-Go Gadget Arms”

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink while he waits for the punchline.

I went on a guided tour of an organic pesticide factory and all I got was this lousey T-shirt.