Category: joke

My nan used to say “If you eat the crusts of the bread it will make your hair go curly.” She wasn’t wrong. I cannot for the life of me straighten my pubic hair.

I just got in from work, went upstairs to get changed and found my wife in bed with a medievil play actor “it meant nothing”, she said, “Just a one knight stand”

I bought my girlfriend some latex gloves because it said on the packet, “Ideal for all hand jobs.” So she put the gloves on, pulled my underwear down and took them over to the washing machine. I wouldn’t have touched them without gloves either.

What’s Brown and sticky? The Prime Minister and his situation.

Cleaning the house today took hours. Man hoovering sucks.

I baked a meat pie the other day and then travelled with it to Milton Keynes, Birmingham and Lambeth, because my old maths teacher always used to tell me to take pie to three dismal places..

I put my wife’s comedy poster up backwards, she didn’t see the funny side of it.

A compulsive liar walked into a bar. Well that’s where he said he was.

It’s funny how sickipedia is kinda like a world. All the good stuff is on the west and on the east there’s a lot of burial going on…

Mirrors can’t talk…. Luckily for some people they can’t laugh either

The lottery! What are the odds? 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11…

Similar to a Spork I’ve just created a cross between a Cup and a Spoon, but I can’t think of a name for it

I got home last night from work and there was my wife, looking in her purse and seperating all her coins and putting them into neat little piles. At that moment it hit me, my wife was going through the change.

My hopes of getting a job are fading quicker than two toddlers trying to escape a house fire.

My friends are constantly making fun of me because of how gullible I am. We’ll see who’s laughing when I’m earning 437 a day from the comfort of my own home.