Category: joke

Me and my wife have been told we can’t have children. She turned to me today and said “I think in vitro fertilization is the option we should go for. I think that could work.” I looked at her. Her eyes, filling up with tears looking at me for hope. “OK, just be careful about […]

What gets wetter the more it dries? The curtain next to my bed.

I spilt milk in my drink. Tango neutralised.

What’s the difference between men and women? One gets morning sickness, the other gets morning stiffness. What do they have in common? Neither of them care about the other’s problem.

I used to have my own fruit stand but it kept getting knocked over by 1970s police chases.

My girlfriend says she cheated on me because I procrastinate too much. She’ll pay for this someday.

I thought ITV and BBC were bad for showing repeats of films, but yesterday on Sickipedia I saw Ghost 2 at least fifteen times.

A chicken walks into a bar and the barman says to the chicken “Do you want anything to drink?” The chicken says “Of course I do. What do you think I crossed the road for?”

I was sat next to this miserable, unhappy looking bloke on the bus when he said, “One ring to rule them all.” “Is that from Lord of the Rings?” I interrupted. “No,” he replied “it’s a general consensus of women’s domination as a result of marriage.”

i can just about tolerate pens but i have to say i draw the line with pencils…

I’ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

I was about to get in the shower this morning, when I noticed it was making an odd buzzing noise. There’s no way I was going to get in, knowing the danger of electricity and water, so I took the safest approach. I went back to bed and let the wife try it first.

The Romans were the first to build roads in Britain. And the first to breed chickens on the less desirable side of those roads.

Finally!! Right, let’s go and put Baby in a corner…..

Where do women pee? Because all I ever see are signs for Men and Scottish Men.