Category: joke

I’ve just been to court where my friend was given Nine life sentences. I think that is really harsh, just for running over a cat.

Do I know an abbreviation for number? No.

According to my wife i base my whole life on cartoons. Fortunately my kids ed, edd, and eddy disagree.

some dwarf started on me in the pub earlier for absoloutly no reason at all. so I squared up to him to show I was the bigger man.

Onions are like puppies…..people cry when you cut them in half

“Help me!” screamed the woman in the burning building “I’m going to have to jump.” “What did you say?” I shouted back as she plunged to earth. “Help me!” she screamed again. “What?” I asked again. There wasn’t time for her to reply as she landed in a crumpled heap beside me. “Sorry” I said, […]

In Tinie Tempah’s song ‘Written In The Stars’ it says ”But have you ever been so hungry that it keeps you awake” Well no i’m not African?

Since all the jokes have sucked lately, i’ve started writing a new one to put them to shame. AMERIC- Coming along nicely, eh?

I had a father son moment today when i was putting up a Piata for his birthday, He just looked at me and said “I’d hit that”.

How many recruitment consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? Well that depends. Have you tried to fit the lightbulb yourself? When do you need to have it fitted? And would you be willing to let me work on the job exclusively?

The look on my nans face when i walked in on her and caught her knitting me a bowl of shreddies!

My mate said i need to grow up and mature .. thats the last time im asking him if hes playing out !

My wife said that she wanted a chat, so I agreed to sit down with her for an hour. She started going on about how ‘sickipedia’ is taking over my life. I said “Slow down there, tiger. You’ve got another 57 minutes yet.

What’s the best timber for kindling? Fleetwood.

Just walked into a library and asked for a book on impotence. Nothing happens in the end.