Category: joke

My wife is an English teacher and she’s getting annoyed at my poor use of the English language. She’s so far ahead of me in terms of language she’s literally on a different planet.

I was raised by just my mother because my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter.

Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Fred’s test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn’t see me either!

To build a bit of tension, I decided to use the “long pause” technique beloved of talent shows before I announced the result. After about ten seconds the Judge said, “A simple Guilty, or Not Guilty will suffice Mr Foreman.”

i was going to write a joke but my database latency is to high its a shame too because it was a really good joke

The council sent me a disabled badge today. I sent it back and asked for one that actually works.

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where you mouth is?” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I […]

We all got together today to give Eric his leaving card after 30 years of working for the Royal Mail. Not bad… He only retired 6 months ago.

“Because you’re so predictable,” I said. “How come you always seem to know what I’m going to say?”. she asked

Look, I know that since I walked out, you think that she could use a guy like you, but trust me, that woman has a lot going on and you want none of it. Get out whilst you still can… Stacey’s Dad

I don’t like to brag about how rich I am. So I pay someone else to do it for me.

A chicken and an egg walk into a bar. The barman says, “Right, who’s first?”

I stopped by and seen my mother for the first time in a year since she kicked me out. I bought her some flowers, then told her since I missed mothers day, I wanted her to relax, get some rest, and whether she liked it or not I’m moving back home for good now… as […]

I pulled an ugly fat bird last night. I said to her, “Do you fancy seeing my flat tonight?” She replied “Yes”. So I walked her round to the carpark and showed her a deflated tyre”. She looked at me and said, “Please tell me you’re joking?” I laughed and said, “Of course I am, […]

I have always struggled to write one-liners, especially on narrow paper.