Category: irony

I made a new year’s resolution to stop being so optimistic about everything. I’m 100% sure I can do it!

Why do they call it the steeplechase when the steeples are clearly stationary?

For the whole of their childhood, we tell children 1. Not to go out after dark 2. Not to talk to strangers 3. Not to take sweets from anyone they don’t know Then every year we have Halloween . . .

My wife said she can’t wait for the day when we grow old,which is ironic because I haven’t told her she’s got Aids yet.

What is the definition of irony? Being made redundant at a job centre

I don’t believe in alcoholics, surely the phrase ‘drinking problem’ is an oxymoron?

I see the only original member of the Sugababes has been kicked out. Maybe she can contact the other two and form a tribute band.

You know what’s ironic? People generally like white snow, hate black snow and tend to stay away from yellow snow.

If I ever face a firingsquad and get offered a last request, Ill ask for a bulletproof vest.

My girlfriend tells me I don’t understand roll play. She said lets pretend I’m the Costa Concordia and your fingers are rescue divers. So I lit some dynamite to widen the gap.

Irony – having to make an appointment to see a clairvoyant.

I knocked one of those charity collectors out in town today because she wouldn’t stop bothering me. I couldn’t care less about victims of domestic violence!

All extremists should be taken out and shot..

to be or not to be?…………. I hate chosing pencils

I was going to read a book about getting motivated but I couldn’t be bothered.