Category: homeless

How come tramps are such good guitarists?

I don’t know why everyone complains about petrol being so dear at 1.40 a litre. It’s 15 for a litre of Vodka!

The biggest cause of homeless peoples deaths? My hammer.

I only date homeless girls. They are absolutly filthy in bed.

Apparently Premier Inn’s now got a franchise that caters for the homeless as well. it’s called Premier Out.

In my spare time I like to help homeless people find the nearest shelter. It’s pretty easy, I just tell them to follow the the first bus that drives past.

Did you know?…. …that if we collected together all of the money from wasted electricity in one day…. ….and gave it to the homeless…. …..they’d probably spend it on booze.

The best player in our football team is a tramp, he learned his skills on the street and has wonderful ability. The only problem is he never turns up for home games.

I saw a homeless guy cowering in a doorway holding an old newspaper over his head sheltering from the heavy rain. “I couldn’t help but notice but it looks like you could do with a place to take shelter for the night,” I said as I leaned in to help him to his feet. “Oh […]

Ahh I love April fools day. Although I prefer to call it “tease the homeless day”

A bloke knocked at the door this morning collecting for the homeless. So I gave him some old cardboard and my daughter’s recorder.

The BBC are to commission a new tv show about tramps on heroin. It’s called Bins & Needles.

I wonder where 90% of the homeless have THEIR accidents?

They say ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ I disagree, I gave a tramp a fiver yesterday and I’m pretty sure he choose to buy smack with it.

My wife wants a divorce because I keep making jokes about the homeless. She must be overreacting because it’s not a big issue.