Category: homeless

I walked up to a tramp today and said, “If you answer this question correctly, you will be in with a chance of winning one million pounds. Would you like to try?” His eyes lit up, “Yes please!” I said, “Right then. What is 50p + 50p?” He screamed, “One Pound!” So I give him […]

What do tramps do in this cold weather? Die.

I knew my new girlfriend was desperate for it, from the moment she approached me with her first chat up line. “Any change mate?”

Statistically, the homeless 8/10 dumpsters the other day.

Saw a hobo walking down the street the other day wearing only one shoe. “You alright mate?” I asked “Have you lost your shoe?” He replied “No I found one…”

A tramp stopped me in the street earlier. “Any odd change on you mate?” He frowned. “Only even sorry,” I replied.

Queues of people camped outside the Stadium of Light in Sunderland to get their hands on Take That tickets. One local resident said it was the best standard of living she’d ever experienced.

All the tramps in sheffield are really shifty. I know they’re selling something on street corners but every time I get close they either hide it under their jackets or run away. I can’t see what the big issue is!

Was playing bingo with a homeless man today. After a few numbers he remarks, “I’ve got a line.” I said “Yeah. Well I’ve got a house.”

Hgh winds severely damaged a homeless shelter in northern England on Monday. Rescuers are on the scene with new boxes and sticky tape.

Top tip: Picking up aluminium cans along the streets can bring you some extra cash; but by pouring the dregs into a single can, you can stop and refresh yourself from time to time.

If you cant afford an Xbox or PS3 I’ve found a cheaper way you can entertain yourself. Drop pennies in the middle of multiple homeless people. same thing applies gary glitter, his mates, and a small child. And Fat fighters and a cupcake. Etheopians and food.

A study shows that lots of time spent outdoors leads to better eyesight. Which explains why you never see a homeless guy in Specsavers.

I just told my mate that I mugged a homeless guy. He says I have big issues.

‘Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near’…I sang to the crazy old homeless woman who feeds the pigeons