Category: homeless

Where would you find a black Jewish tramp? Stealing from the bargain bin.

I saw a tramp today who had a rough beard, torn clothes and long dirty fingernails. I could smell him a mile away and he looked freezing. Totally helpless he was, I felt sorry for him. Glad I’m not like that, I’d hate to be in his shoe.

A beggar asked me today if I had any spare change. I told him that I was sorry and that I’d left it at home in my spare wallet.

A tramp stopped me in the street and asked, “Any change?” Being a werewolf I advised him to hang on till the full moon, then he’d see plenty.

When I see homeless people on the streets with their empty cups, I like to chip in. It’s certainly cheaper than crazy golf.

Homeless Guy goes to the Doctors, The Doctor examines him and says, ” Here take this three times a day with water”, “What is it?” asks the Homeless Guy, Doctor replies “Soap”

I would never work as a big issue seller, it’s so badly paid, everyone who does it seems to end up homeless.

Mortgages in Britain are getting more expensive by the day but you try explaining to a homeless person how lucky they are, they just don’t appreciate it

After spending a week in London I saw many sad, homeless people. Which made me realise how fortunate I really am. I never have to go back there again.

Thieves stole a charity box full of money from a Salvation Army worker. Ironically, the money still went to the homeless.

I was on a date with a bird I met outside the supermarket. I confided, “I have to admit, I’ve spent a small amount of time inside.” “Oh my god!” she shrieked. “You’ve been to prison?” I said, “No, I’m homeless.”

Some homeless guy was getting mouthy with me outside the pub last night. “Lets take this inside,” I demanded.

A homeless guy came up to me the other day, and he was asking me for money. I was about to give it to him, and then I thought, ‘He’s just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol.’ And then I thought, ‘That’s what I’m gonna use it on. Who am I to judge the […]

A tramp came to me and said, “alright mate do you wanna buy some weed from me? I need to pay for a room tonight and it’s top stuff.” I turned to him and said, “there’s a cop there, say that to him and you’ll be inside for a while.”

The trouble with the beggers on the street nowadays is that they just dont look the part. You know, if they just thought to put on a suit or cover up their stump i might send a little cash their way.