Category: homeless

If you’re homeless it may feel that the whole world is looking down on you. But that’s only because you’re sitting on the ground.

I said to a guy “I’ve had more women than you’ve had hot dinners”. I now realise tramps don’t have a sense of humour.

I saw a man huddled up in a shop doorway today, and he said, “Enough money for a cup of tea sir?” “Yes, I have actually”, I replied, feeling rather smug, as I walked on by.

I was waiting at a bus stop the other day and couldn’t help wondering, “if I was a tramp, would I be home by now”.

I only go for women who I know will be dirty in bed. Generally, Big Issue sellers.

Homeless people. Lighten your load by not buying a dog.

I picked up a sandwich in the local Subway earlier… I’m a tramp

Walked down an alley full of homeless people and they wouldn’t let me back out. I was boxed in.

A homeless man caught me with a Jewish girl sitting on my face. It made me feel sorry for him. At least I had a Ruth over my head.

Wouldn’t tramps make more money if they stopped working from home?

I saw a black homeless midget today. Seriously God, i mean bad luck is one thing but this is just overboard.

I truly admire the ambition of beggars who sit beside ATMs

A man approached me in the street. “Can you spare 20p please? I’m homeless.” I said, “You won’t find a house for 20 pence around here mate.”

A report has found that homeless people are more likely to believe in God than non-homeless people. That beggars belief.

I had between 5 and 6 whisky chasers last night. I really wish the off license wasn’t next to the homeless shelter.