Category: holidays

A man walks into his hotel’s lift. The operator asks, “Which floor son?” “17th” replies the man. “No problem son” says the operator. As they approached the 17th floor the operator said, “Enjoy the rest of your stay son” “Why do you keep calling me son?!” asks the man. “Well, I brought you up didn’t […]

I managed to take my missus away for her birthday, and as a special treat I managed to get us one of those luxury sweets. What they called? Werthers Originals. We ate it in our tent.

Ibiza. A hotter version England with more alcohol and police who don’t give a toss.

Metro’s World Digest: Israel have opened a male only beauty salon staffed entirely by topless women wearing only thongs. I know where I’m going on holiday this year… …Blackpool.

I was on holiday sunbathing when my wife started rubbing something in my back. She said ‘this will make you brown’ I said ‘Oh what is it?’ ‘Gravy’

I like my women like Christmas crackers… …cheap and easy to pull.

I want to take a day trip to Calais, can anyone tell me if it’s cheaper to sail with P&O or Air France these days?

Two planes landed back in England today. One was filled with overpaid cabin crew who will strike every other week because life isn’t as cushy as it used to be. The other charged me 80 Euro because my bag was 0.2kg heavier than they said it could be. I don’t know who I respect more. […]

“ive just booked a trip around the world for our anniversary” i told my wife “cant we go somewhere else ?” she asked

My wife came home and told me that she had booked us a holiday and it would involve getting on a plane in two weeks. She added, “I know how excited you can get but do try not to show me up.” I didn’t have time to be annoyed with her comment as I only […]

Halloween – An agoraphobic pedophile with a festish’ dream.

The only good thing to come out of Religion is the number of holidays we get in a year.

I told my wife to spin the globe, put her finger on it and wherever it lands that will be the holiday destination. ”Ooooo!” she says excited, ”Looks like its the Caribbean.” ”Great .” I replied, ”Now lets see where I’m going.”

Well it’s that time of year again… Handing out Sweets to young children. Except this time it’s handing them out from my house… And not the back of a van.

You can now actually pay to go and stay in a Guantanamo Bay mock-up prison. It’s called Butlins and it’s in Skegness.