Category: holidays

My wife’s going on a vacation to ‘get a break from my constant jealousy’. I wish I was going on a vacation..

Be wary of Santas bearing three knees…

Whilst on holiday with the wife, she was in a horrific car accident and ended up in a coma with the doctors telling me that she was going to need multiple costly operations to survive.Thankfully, I had made the right choice with our health and travel insurance. I didn’t take any out.

My mate has just came back from holiday today, he’s looking like a total Paki. I still don’t know why he’s wearing that turban, though.

What’s worse than going on holiday to Mordor? Butlins.

I went camping recently, outside the compound a sign red: “Toilet Roll, Don’t Come Without It!” Obviously never heard of bukkake…

I walked into the house and handed her a holiday brochure and she said excitedly, “What’s this?” “You know what you said about always wanting to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa?” “Yeah.” “Turn to page 12, there’s a picture of it there.”

I arrived back off my holidays yesterday and I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. I went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The blonde behind the counter smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ […]

Lying on the beach this girl asked me to spray her back. Bit of a misunderstanding and now I’m in police custody

In the coming New Year, both Groundhog Day and the American State of the Union address will occur on the same day. It’s an ironic juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which they look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.

A word of warning to women, if you don’t want to spend 2 weeks in the desert, sleeping inside a dead camel. then don’t ask us to book a honeymoon while watching bear grylls!

in England theres always something wrong in summer either it’s the weather or it’s the people

Americans have mistletoe around Christmas. Arabs have cameltoe around Christmas.

6 star hotels are a bit overrated.

My girlfriend was flirting with everyone while we were on holiday in Belarus. The little Minsk.