Category: holidays

Whenever anyone goes to Italy and sees the leaning tower of Pisa they do that lame holding it up pose for the camera. Why does no-one move further out so it looks about thigh height and do the old spreading the cheeks over it pose?

My wife was going to leave me if I didn’t give up my obsession with the army. So as a romantic gesture, I flew all the way back from Afghanistan to take her on holiday. I probably didn’t pick the best destination, Iraq is quite cold at this time of year.

My kids were thrilled when I told them I was taking them on a Mickey Mouse holiday this year. I don’t know why they are looking forward to Grimsby so much.

I booked a flight the other day and the lady said, ” What side do you want to sit on” and I said ” The inside”

You know there’s nothing in this world that makes me feel quite as happy as when I told my kids that we where going to disneyland for our holidays this year It’s not the excitement in their faces or how happy they where, it was the total devestation when I told them it was disneyland […]

I was at the beach when I saw a bloke with a donkey and a sign reading “Rides from 2.50” So I paid my money and jumped on. We got about halfway down the promenade and I was loving it. I didn’t want it to end but he said he had to get back to […]

My friend was off on holiday for a week so I bid him farewell:- “See you later mate, don’t do anything I’d do!” “Don’t you mean ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do?’” “Um, well unless you’d do your mum and your ten year old sister then, no.” I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of […]

The West Bank. The favourite holiday destination of Reverend Spooner.

My mate said to me: Can you tell me what you call someone who comes from Corsica? I said: Cors-i-can

The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, “Window or aisle?” I replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

My New Year resolutions this year are to gain a ton of weight, start smoking, never volunteer, emotionally distance myself from friends and family, and be completely closed-minded about everything. That way, next years resolutions should pretty much write themselves.

I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer. He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”

“You don’t seem the kind of person who likes christmas puns” said my friend yule be suprised

I’m just back from vacation in Ireland and i’ve bought a souvenir. It was quite expensive but i think 99 euros for Dublin was worth the money.

I tried to tell my parents that they wouldn’t have any reception in the outback. They wouldn’t have a bar of it.