Category: history

I’ve never understood how Ireland managed to have a “Potato Famine”. That’s not a famine. That’s just living without potatoes and having extra portions of carrots for a while.

It’s the Stone Age. A caveman’s wife comes running up, screaming: “Ugg! Ugg! A sabre-toothed tiger has just walked into my mother’s cave!” Ugg is unimpressed: “Stupid tiger. It’ll just have to fight its own way out, won’t it?”

When looking through my movies, I decided that more often than not, sequels are not as good as the original, Then I thought, “You know what, There is definitely one that breaks that rule…” World War 1 was OK, but WWII : Death of the Jews was much better!

I just saw an advert on Facebook urging me to ‘Discover America’. They should really remove ads that are more than 500 years old.

67 years late, a memorial to RAF Bomber Command will be unveiled at Green Park. It replaces the previous one. Dresden.

Of course Vincent Van Gogh was notoriously vague. Whatever you said to him just went in one ear- and straight out the same ear.

I punched a German philosopher in the face the other day. I was arrested for crimes against Nietzsche.

A Russian girl the other day asked me, “Who was Lenin?” I was quite amazed, it’s like a German asking who Hitler was, or a Chinese person asking who Genghis Kahn was, or an American asking who Ronald Macdonald was.

Smokeless anthracite has been mined in the USA since 1790. Entrepreneurs made a fortune selling it to Red Indian tribes who weren’t on speaking terms.

When people ask me what my Granddad did during the war, I tell them he was a deserter. He was actually a pastry chef but I think deserter sounds much more wind swept and interesting.

My Great Great Grandad was killed at The Battle of the Little Bighorn He wasn’t involved in the battle, He was camping in the field next door and went to complain about the noise.

What’s the difference between Elvis , and Rudolf Hess ? Elvis didn’t come to Scotland to sing

I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain. I can’t wait until the games are held in Germany.

I’ve never understood why people were so angry about Margaret Thatcher back in the day, She was only a miner problem

Rosa Parks didn’t call shotgun.