Category: gardening

As I walked through the garden today I tripped and landed in the herb section. Surprisingly, I broke all of my ribs along with some fingers and both wrists. I guess I must have fallen on hard thymes.

My mate recently had a nasty accident with a lawnmower. They had to do a com-post mortem.

Here in Britain, men go down to the garden shed to get away from the kids and their mother.

I heard about people talking to their plants so I went out and bought one. I haven’t watered it for a week now. Oh it’ll talk. Eventually.

I was doing the gardening this afternoon when a frog intentionally threw himself under my lawn-mower. I guess he wanted to Kermit suicide.

I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my kids do.

What is the difference between a shovel and a spade? The Americans did not elect a shovel as president in 2008

I woke up at 5am to harvest and re-plant my rice this morning. By 5pm I should be ready to harvest it again. By 6pm I think I will be about ready to kill myself. Oh well, at least my cottons coming along nicely.

Just letting you all know I’m in hospital. Don’t panic, I just poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion.Turned out 2 be a daffodil bulb. Should be out by spring.

So if flowers have both male and female parts, but it’s bees that actually do the pollinating, does that make it some kind of threesome?

I’ve got some landscape gardeners in at the moment, And was quite surprised when Didier Drogba turned up in the van with them this morning. It turns out he is what they use to roll the lawn.

I’m not really bothered about the hose pipe ban. I was going to start jet washing my lawn from 30 meters away this summer anyway.

I was watching UK Border Force last night. The team was in Dover and they put in a nice selection of bedding plants and a small box hedge.