Category: food and drink

3 is the magic number, succulent chicken, smoked bacon and crispy onions, three great ingredients from McDonald’s. To which they’ve added lettuce, bread that won’t go off for a month, “cheese” and a non descriptive sauce. Come on McDonald’s admit it, 7 is better than 3!

Have a safe lunch, always use a condiment.

My Uncle Ben makes me do things I don’t understand. I mean I’m only 7, I can’t work a microwave.

I failed miserably when I tried to invent a gravy using nitrous oxide It’s now the laughing stock.

If smoking makes you thin and drinking makes you fat, then I have a perfectly healthy and balanced diet.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.

You know you have the ultimate hang-over when you have to do one thing. Sit down in the shower.

Iceland are now selling boxes of ‘authentic Gregg’s Sausage Rolls’ from the freezer cabinet. They can’t really be authentic though, otherwise they’d be lukewarm at one end.

Isn’t it ironic when it’s the price of onions that makes you cry?

Dear Subway, We are losing 2-0 and getting played off the park, what sub have you got for that? Regards, Chris Houghton Newcastle United manager

I’ve just realized that tofu is over-rated, it’s just a curd to me.

Went to a French restaurant last night and ordered Snails Waiter said They are on there way sir I said oh, well I’ll have something else then

Walkers Light Crisps does this mean they’ve replaced the air with helium?

I just think that jokes about food critics are in bad taste.

My girlfriend was furious with me today for using her hair straighteners. I didn’t need to straighten my hair, I just wanted to grill one fish finger.