Category: food and drink

I recently bought a bottle of brown sauce which carried the warning ‘Do not use if seal is broken’. As soon as I opened it, the seal broke, immediately rendering it unusable. I was wondering, how many other innocent shoppers, especially pensioners have fallen for this evil scam?

I went in a butchers today and said ” pound of bacon please” the butcher said ” lean back?” so I said ” why, have i got dog breath or something?”

I always take life with a pinch of salt…plus a slice of lemon…and a shot of tequila.

As the Chief Executive of McDonald’s I thought it would be a good idea to work undercover in one of our restaurants. I thought this would be a great opportunity to see how things are actually run on a day to day basis. So as anybody would, I had to go for an interview to […]

“I am what I am” is a poor choice of song for the Lambrini advert as 90% of the people that drink it are chav girls that neck a bottle of it before getting fingered against a biffa bin.

Why do French people drink loads of wine? It’s the closest they’re ever going to get to a ‘win’.

My wife got drunk on Stella at the weekend and feels so ashamed… But I told her not to beat herself up over it

I went into my local Indian restaurant, ‘10.95 eat whatever you like’. I sat down and said, “I like pizza”.

Just had some ‘Rachel’s Organic Yoghurt’ and can’t help thinking that it tastes like she used it to treat a yeast infection

If eating carrots helps you see in the dark, does eating bananas help you see around corners?

I was driving down the motorway the other day and saw one of those ‘Tiredness can kill, Take a break’ signs. Steady on Kit Kat… what’s with the public death threats?

I bought a pack of walkers today. I was disgusted to find some sort of chargrilled potato right at the very bottom.

have you heard about the American Vegan ? nope, me nethier

Smarties are launching special edition packs this Summer to commemorate the 5th anniversary of the 7/7 train bombings. There’s a ‘black one’ in every tube.

I went round to Matthew Corbett’s house for dinner yesterday. We had a sweepsteak.