Category: food and drink

I’m not surprised Oasis has broken up…..always prefered J2O

“They call it Le Big Mac.” And the Americans call it a Happy Meal.

I saw the spirit of Keith Floyd in my local Tesco this morning. 14.99 a bottle.

I had some ice cream the other day that was as hard as a brick. Turns out it was Walls…

I don’t understand the huge fuss over Levi Roots’ Reggae Reggae sauce. When I worked in McDonald’s, I added my own “jerk seasoning” to the burgers for years.

I hate it when I open my bag of air and there’s crisps in it.

My son left me in charge of the catering for his 14h birthday party so I hired a naked woman to lie on a table covered in sushi. “So how did it taste” I asked him “It was horrible, slimy and stank of fish but the sushi was delicious thanks dad”

That moment during a meal when the fat person is the only one who orders dessert.

My wife wasn’t impressed when I skipped breakfast this morning. It was a string of sausages.

I’m red all over. From my head tomatoes.

There’s a Mcdonald’s for everyone” Yeah, I tried telling a fat bloke that the salad was for him, it didn’t go down so well…

I hate eating frozen ready meals. So,I always cook them first.

Aren’t custard creams just albino chocolate bourbons

When’s my Dolmio day? When I lose the ability to open a tin of chopped tomatoes and crush some garlic.

I just heard an ad warning people about adding salt to already salted foods and it said ‘You wouldn’t have bread with bread’ Have they not had a sandwich?