Category: food and drink

You know you’ve had a good curry when it’s spicier coming out than it was going in…

I’ve made a conscious decision to stop eating meat. Yup, from now on I’m only going to eat McDonald’s.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.” “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same “take a clean dish”

Why did the pie cross the road? Because it was meat ‘n’ potato.

My kids said they wanted me to make their burgers like they do in McDonald’s… so I spat in them.

Halumi – the only cheese that greets itself in the third person.

I saw a very impressive constellation of stars last night. The regional manager was in my local McDonald’s.

I walked out of my local take-away today and there was a charity worker outside giving out leaflets on how to donate items to the Haiti survivors. She asked me, “Can you spare a few tins of food for the starving people of Haiti?” “No. And I’m not even going to finish this kebab”.

My girlfriend thought I had some real cheek to go up to her Mum and say, “Do my fingers smell of fish?” To which she replied, cowering away, “No, I don’t think so”. “I thought just as much” I replied. “Now go and get me some Birdseye instead of this Aldi rubbish”.

KFC are having a laugh! when they say their Mega Bucket is the biggest you can buy! My wife’s is twice as big.. And its all you can eat for a fiver..

Thank goodness for Oatso Simple. Gone are the days of having to pour milk on my porridge and heat it up every morning. Now all I have to do is add milk to Oatso Simple and heat it up.

I went to the bar yesterday and was drinking absinthe all night and started to get emotional about not seeing my parents for five years. Well you know what they say, Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

When I went to Mexico; I got ill from eating some dodgy cactus. I think it was spiked.

A lot of people tell me when they drink coffee they can’t sleep. I have the same problem but the other way around, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.

We are so poor, my wife’s having ordinary K for breakfast.