Category: food and drink

I’m really please i invited the wife to my last threesome sandwich. She really made it.

I was on the bus today, struggling with a crossword. When a drunk man came up to me and said you know 7up is lemonade.

My friends don’t understand why I’ve given up boozing. I’ve told them it’s because I want to feel more motivated. I mean, Hitler was teetotal and look at what he achieved.

A woman was waiting for her meal in a Chinese restaurant and an elderly waiter began setting down chopsticks in front of her. The woman made a great show of pulling her own chopsticks out of her bag.’ As an environmentalist I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests to provide disposable utensils.’ she said. […]

I see Stacey Solomon is the new face of the Iceland adverts, How long have they been selling Hay and Apples?

Calling it “Little Chef” is false advertising, isn’t it? I think “Mong with a Microwave” would be more fitting.

McDonald’s have announced they are to release the ‘MJburger’. It’s going to contain 50 year old meat between 10 year old meat.

Every new McDonald’s creates 40 jobs. 20 dentists and 20 heart surgeons.

My dad says that he hates the blacks. I’m inclined to agree. They’re so unpopular, sometimes I don’t know why Maynards just remove them from the packet completely.

I tried this new reggae reggae hair dye yesterday. I wouldn’t recommend it though, you can still see my roots.

To begin with I tease, slowly peeling back the skin and sucking gently on the tip. The sensation in my mouth is incredible. As I lick up and down the long fleshy shaft a sudden urge overcomes me. I cannot resist, I need it all in my mouth now! It is not long before I […]

Why do packets of crisps in multipack bags have “not to be sold separately” on and a barcode?

An army sergeant went to sit down and eat with his men and saw one of his men wasn’t eating his soup, he asked if he could have it. The soldier replied “Of course sir” After the sergeant had nearly finished his soup, he saw a dead rat at the bottom and vomited all the […]

Vimto. The only drink to be an anagram of what it smells like.

I’m making loads more money since I turned my bait shop into a sushi restaurant.