Category: food and drink

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

Eating fast food every day may shorten your life but it still works out for the best because you save so much time on preparation.

Smuggling sweets into the cinema; almost as British as a cup of tea.

I bought some marmite in America the other day. I think they’ve got the marketing a bit wrong though. It says “If you don’t love it, you can sue us.”

They only use the smallest chinese people in their restaurants – makes the portions look bigger…

McDonald’s. The only place you can play Monopoly and win a heart attack.

What is black, hungry and has eight legs? Southampton FC players at Pizza Hut.

My wife’s affair is driving me to drink. Her boyfriend is giving me a lift to the pub.

I drank a Red Bull earlier. Afterwards, I noticed that on the back of the can it says that it “Improves the emotional state”. I’m glad.

Next time you eat egg, just keep in mind…..you’re eating a chicken’s period.

I went into KFC the other day and asked for some Bingo Wings. “Sorry sir, we don’t do those.” I said “well my wife’s in here all the time, and you’ve given her some.”

Jammie Dodgers adverts, making you feel like the world’s biggest drug addict since 2011.

Her bright pink lips were dripping wet, she was sweating all over her body, making noises i’ve never heard before. You could see how strong the sensation was by just by looking at her face. I love watching girls do the Chilli challenge.

Malibu: Because WKD is for poofs.

Learning about food poisoning in France. C’est difficile.