Category: food and drink

I started my healthy eating plan today… By blowing the powdered sugar off my doughnut.

Germany are releasing a new dessert in honour of their World Cup squad. Muller Reich.

Kebab shops; The only time you’ll let a Turkish man handle your meat.

My boss reckons I’m a greedy pig and he said that, if I can get through a whole day at work without mentioning biscuits, he’ll give me a hundred quid. Nice.

I used to think KFC stands for Kiddie Fiddler’s Club until i recently found out it stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Still, in both contexts, it’s finger licking good!

Just shoplifted some potatoes. It said ‘perferct size for jackets’ on the bag.

Those Alphabetti Spaghetti salesmen are just trying to put words in your mouth

Welcome to the church of vegetables Lettuce pray.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? All that’s left is debrie

I knew a vegan who ran a 100% organic and ethical vegetable growing company. It wasn’t a great business venture for him, though. He only took home a small celery.

I see that you liked your first chin so much you decided to add another.

I pulled a fat bird in McDonald’s last night. I pulled her off my Big Mac and fries.

A Bloke standing at the Bar on a friday night looking very happy. Barman says “You look cheerful mate, what’s the occasion?”, bloke says “I’m 62 today” , “Congratulations mate” says the Barman and gives him drinks on the house all night. On the Sunday night the bloke stands at the bar again , but […]

I only had 4 pints last night and this morning I’ve got a terrible hangover. That’s the last time I’m drinking whisky.

If drinking Bitter makes you a bitter person, and drinking Wine makes you whine… Why doesn’t Boddingtons Extra Smooth seem to work?