Category: food and drink

The German football player Muller is not too good at shooting. He is better at corners.

I recently applied for a job at a restaurant and was outraged when they didn’t give me it, claiming that my food was far too salty I just couldn’t believe it, I thought I was a seasoned professional…

The RoadKill Cafe, from your grill to ours

I’ve just asked my mate to come to KFC with me later. I need a wing man

“This tastes burnt!” I grimaced as I put my fork down in disgust. “That’s not burnt, it’s caramelised.” insisted my wife. “It’s supposed to be a salad.”

When I search Sickipedia, it tells me Rhubarb took 12ms to do a search and display the result. How times change – when I was 8, he used to spend all night working in his shed to discover the solution and share it with Custard the Cat.

I just had a piece of chocolate with caramel inside. ROLO

My orphan friend came round for dinner today. He said, “Mmm, these sausages are great.” I said, “Yes, that’s why mums go to Iceland, accept yours of course, she just didn’t want you.”

McDonalds now only sell to people aged 18 or over, They do realise most their customers don’t live to 18?

I always talk to my food before I eat it. It’s the only way I can be sure it will agree with me.

I bought a bed today that’s made entirely out of rice. The mattress is okay but the pilaus are really uncomfortable.

Went to a Norwegian restaurant I ate like a Norse

You know what they say about men with big hands… They find it hard to eat pringles

Shouldn’t a quarter pounder only be 25p?

Stood outside Tesco with sign saying ‘Help for Heroes’; in 15 minutes I had enough money for a box of them and some Quality Street.