Category: food and drink

What do you call innuendo biscuits? Suggestives

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of […]

Handjobs are like Pepsi. Never your first choice but you’ll take it anyway.

“Doritos Bigger Bag” That’s nice and all, but maybe put some more crisps in there, too?

Dessert puns…I used to have hundreds and thousands of ’em

Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup! This IS an African restaurant, Sir.

My area got flooded by a fizzy beverage I’m sad to say, i was schwept away

I love chinese food, their chips are great.

Whoever came up with the Caffrey’s slogan “Strong words, softly spoken” has obviously never been to an Irish bar. Surely “Strong words, shouted incoherently” would be more apt.

I went out for a meal last night and ordered everything in French. I surprised everyone. It was a Chinese Restaurant.

I’ve started smoking ‘Camels’. Strange, normally when I smoke I fancy a drink.

I got so drunk last night that some one put me in the recovery position. This morning I woke up on the back of an R.A.C. Truck.

I work as an inspector on these street stalls that sell fruit and veg, and one guy was still selling his fruit in pounds and ounces. “You do realise you have to go metric now” I said. He nodded “Look I’ll overlook it but you have to get these in kilos and grams by the […]

I’ve written a song about a tortilla. Well, it’s more of a wrap.

My wife asked me to name my top Walkers Sensations. 1) Emptiness 2) Disappointment