Category: food and drink

C0RNF1AK3S …That’s a cereal number.

My wife cooked steak and chips tonight and it was just like what I get at my local Weatherspoons… Cold and dry.

Friends are like bananas, once you peel and eat them, they die.

Paint shop pro…..gives you wings

So OXO have decided to print jokes on the side of their boxes… They’ve just become a laughing stock.

What do pancakes and people have in common? If they’re black, they’re failed.

When life gives me lemons, I complain about the lemons.

Im loving the new subway slogan ‘Made the way you want it’ I would hate to go there under the old system

I told this guy I drunk 20 cups of coffee every day and he asked me how do I sleep at night? I replied, “Easy, it’s fairtrade”

My mates were arguing the other day over who ordered what from the fish and chip shop. I was gonna interrupt them but then I thought, “It’s not my plaice.”

Did You hear about the carrot that died???? There was a turnup at the funeral

I told my wife that if I didn’t get a pudding after my dinner she would get a slap. She crumbled.

Right, i’ll line a tin with Shortcrust pastry. Tim, you whip the cream and add it in. Jeff, pick some fresh berries and arrange them ontop. Matt, your job is to add a thin layer of sugar… Sounds like a sweet Flan to me.

Funny how the five second rule is extended when you drop something that’s really tasty.

I’ve just seen a boy racer smash his Vauxhall Nova into the back of a Heinz lorry. I think it was souped up.