Category: food and drink

My wife’s into all sorts in the bedroom. And I like Minstrels and Tangfastics.

These Jacob’s Crackers are rubbish, no bang, no jokes and where’s the party hat?

I think I might have undercooked my bagel. It’s cold in the middle.

Is it just me or is it a little bit ironic that most vegetarian food is made to taste, look and feel like meat?

Took my wife for a romantic dinner the other night. As we were tucking into it, 6 mentally handicapped people appeared from nowhere and started to sing various lines from well known songs. I didn’t have a clue what was going on, until i saw a notice at the bottom of the menu, saying ‘ […]

Burger King, KFC and Mcdonalds catering for those without a palate…………………………………………. We know who you are……so do you…….

Government cutbacks are really starting to affect the NHS here in Scotland. The only heart & lung machine my local hospital has left is the haggis grinder in the canteen.

4 large cod 2 pies 6 large portions of chips 4 battered sausages mushy peas curry sauce I was disgusted when I read what Paul Mason has for lunch. I mean, c’mon, fish with curry sauce?

A guy goes into his local bank and says to the manager, “I’d like to borrow 100,000 to open a cheese factory in Cheshire. It’s gonna be great.” “Wow, hold on a minute”, says the bank manager. “There’s already a company called Cheshire Cheese – you’re gonna have to come up with something better than […]

Some people cry when they cut onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.

When it comes to breakfast, 3 bowls of porridge is the bear minimum.

I went to a restaurant the other night and outside they had a sign saying: “No dogs allowed apart from seeing eye dogs” I couldn’t help but wonder; Is that for the dog or for the blind person to read!?

What’s the best thing since sliced bread? Toast.

Greggs are expecting the new tax to seriously affect their business. Personally, I can’t see how an extra 3.142% will make that much difference.

Did you hear about the Mexican Lesbians? Apparently they don’t put meat in their taco’s