Category: food and drink

I was on Masterchef yesterday when John Torode came over to taste my meal. When John put a fork full of food into his mouth he said, “Wow! I can taste the tender shredded chicken which is making my taste buds explode, followed by that rich stock combined with soy sauce. Then you have the […]

‘Jamie Cooks Summer’ That’s going to take a lot of seasoning.

Just seen a billboard poster proclaiming that Hovis has been voted “Britain’s softest White”. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that Ricky Hatton?

“And what’s the lady having?” asked the waiter, whilst my wife was in the toilet. “I don’t know” I replied. “Probably a wee”.

Lenny Henry’s ex wife has admitted to “a couple of nibbles” on the dating scene. I very much doubt Dawn French ever has only ” a couple of nibbles” of anything…

They say its 100% beef in their burgers… Now that’s a Whopper!

I went to a McDonald’s drive through this morning. I killed 6 and seriously injured a dozen. How was I supposed to know you’re meant to drive around the restaurant and not through it?

Dr Pepper: It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s throwing up

I ate a broken record for lunch. Now it’s repeating on me.

i phoned up the local indian restaurant last night and said “do you deliver?” they said “no but we have lamb”

When life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequilla.

Told the wife to get her glad rags on tonight as I’m taking care of dinner, and I’ve promised her ‘The Ritz’ I’ve never seen anyone get so excited over a box of crackers before.

I bought myself one of those impossible jigsaws today. Or, ‘Jacob’s Cream Crackers’, as my local supermarket likes to call it.

My Grandad once told me that I should always drink to remember, not to forget. At least I think it was my Grandad.

The boss gave me a wink the other day & said ‘I’ve put a little extra in your pay packet this week.’ To be honest, it was a bit of a let down. I don’t like Spearmint.