Category: food and drink

I picked a random selection out of my tin of Roses, the side one of them read “Contains: Soya” Imagine my disappointment when I opened it to find a chocolate

Lurpak ‘Spreadable.’ About as spreadable as nuns’ legs!

Eating carrots make you see in the dark. Masturbating sends you blind. Do both and it’s like you’re always wearing night vision goggles.

I saw a mate come out of a burger bar with a new coat that was 5 sizes to big for him. “What’s with the coat?” I asked. “I’m not quite sure,” he replied. “I just asked for a Big Mac.”

How much bread is there in India? There’s naan.

I had an all day breakfast today, I must say I was a bit disappointed. It only lasted 15 minutes.

Talk about rebellion, I just walked through a McDonald’s drive through.

I bought some chocolate fingers in Norfolk but they were all stuck together.

I ate twenty yoghurts in a row last night. I was mullered.

I drink condensed milk to save time.

I went to a expensive restaurant last night and when I complained about the food the manager said, “Our food has the top Michelin rating.” I replied, “Well that explains why the steak was as chewy as a tyre then.”

Why do fat people like Twitter? Because the hash tag look’s like a waffle. #

If red bull gives you wings…. Does Brawn now give you Springs?

I’ve been advised to stop eating fish, on medical grounds. Apparently I’m putting off the others in the waiting room.

After months of searching, I eventually found a McDonald’s Instant Win. Heart Disease.