Category: food and drink

I just started dating a vegan. I’ll go for anyone with a Pulse.

Life is like a box of chocolates: the brown ones take most of the white ones’ jobs.

A man in a fish restaurant is waiting for his meal. The waiter comes over and says, “I’m sorry for the delay with your order, sir. It should be with you shortly.” The man replies, “That’s okay, but if you don’t mind me asking, what sort of bait are you using?”

On the way home from the pub last night, I lost control and slammed into a brick wall. At least I wasn’t driving.

As a result of the worst UK economic forecast since the days of ration books, chancellor George Osbourne has asked the EU to extend the 5 second rule.

My mate must be the fattest and greediest git on the planet. I went into a restaurant with him the other day and after looking at the menu for a couple of minutes he handed it back to the waiter and said “OK”.

Being a creative DJ I covered my record turntables in dried lentils, peanuts, chickpeas, noodles and flaked rice I made a wicked bombay mix

Im so sick and tired of fish. So my aquarium is now filled with hamburgers.

In Yorkshire, we just call it pudding.

Do you think when Ronald McDonald is in the car with his kids, they’re screaming for home cooked meals?

I spent ages beating the meat yesterday. Suddenly, I thought “This is an unusual way to prepare a bacon sandwich…”.

I’m slightly confused… What happens if you like water and Oasis?

I saw the new cans of Tango today and I was extremely insulted by the message on the side of the can Tango With Added Tango Who can spot the Hidden Message?

You know you have a small house when, Rice Krispies start to echo.

Who Conquered America? McDonald’s