Category: food and drink

If a tomato is a fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

I’ve got a Arab friend who suffers from Parkinson’s but loves drinking Nesquik. We call him the Milk Sheikh.

Barbeques. The only time it is ever acceptable for a man to cook.

Apparently, all jokes have to be about vegetables. Not nececelery.

I’ve had so much coffee that I got halfway to work this morning before I realised I forgot my car.

You know it’s time to sort your life out when you purposely undercook pizzas just so it cheers you up when you get to a warm bit.

I walked into subway the other day and went to the counter the woman asked…”6 incher or foot long?”….I couldn’t help but wonder if that was really relevant.

I’ve just tried my first Mountain Dew and I struggle to see what all the hype is about. Licking Ben Nevis really didn’t give me the sugar rush I was expecting,

On the KFC advert there isn’t a single black person working or eating there, I never knew such a place existed.

If there is anything I have learnt in life it’s that you can’t beat a cup of tea, but you can beat your wife.

My wife’s on a new diet where she only eats fruit and my house is full of the stuff. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

Shamefully, I have to admit, it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Sky news – ‘UK’s plushest hospital has caviar on menu’ It can’t be that plush if they can’t even keep the menu’s clean.

What has no beginning, no end and nothing in the middle? A doughnut

Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?