Category: food and drink

Since splitting up with my wife I’m living a bachelor life! Tomato soup on Monday, Mushroom on Tuesday, Cream of chicken Wednesday,

I’ve just found a dread lock in my Reggae Reggae sauce. It was straight from the Roots.

I got Ainsley Harriot’s ‘Friends and Family Cookbook’ for Christmas. I was a bit disappointed with it though, I quickly got bored of most of his recipes. To be fair though, there’s only so much you can make with a bunch of bananas.

I like co-operative onion rings, They come out of the packet if you ask them nicely.

I made the most amazing pasta dish this evening for tea. After I’d put my soup in, it all went soggy and fell apart though.

I don’t understand how there can be a cereal called Shredded Wheat that is advertised on the box as being ‘100% whole wheat’. Surely either it’s shredded or it’s whole?

I bought a ”Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine” to lose weight. I put on five stone. I blame the delicious gravy it makes.

My wife hates it when I drink Stella. It does her head in.

Last night my wife said I’m the worst vegetarian ever. I almost choked on my steak.

I told my wife to make me a sandwich and she responded snarkily, “I’ll make you a sandwich when pigs fly”. I threw her off the top of the roof a half hour ago, and still haven’t got my sandwich.

I see that they now make Heinz Beans in little plastic pots…. It’s uncanny.

Budweiser 66: Lightly carbonated for a smooth, easy taste. AKA Budweiser 66: we left a couple of thousand barrels open overnight by mistake and need to get rid of it.

Just saw an Onion ring, So I answered it.

I’m going to make a new tea bag strictly for adults only and will get swearing monkeys to advertise it. I Will call it 18 tips

I woke up to find myself amongst a variety of diced vegetables in a thick vinegar sauce. What a pickle.