Category: food and drink

I tried to explain to my wife. “You put carrot in carrot cake, Egg in eggnog and cheese in cheesecake” She still didn’t like what I did to the chicken for the coq-au-vin.

It’s fun to watch 3 month old babies taste new things for the 1st time, like ice cream…, or 9-volt batteries.

My girlfriend is like a Happy Meal. Small, cheap and greasy.

What do you call a German baked bean? Heinz.

Picked up a hot bit of stuff last night. A take away vindaloo curry

If Old MacDonald has a farm, why can’t he put some actual meat in his burgers?

The chippy near ours has closed. Shame, they did a really nice leg of cod.

New Spice Girls line up announced… Parsley, Chives, Cinnamon, Mustard and Mixed Spice were revealed earlier today.

The person who coined the well known phrase ‘as different as chalk and cheese’ obviously hadn’t tasted Somerfield’s own brand cheddar.

Some people say it’s hard to get your 5-a-day into your diet but I had no problem doing mine by 11am this morning. On the down side, I’m fresh out of cider.

It’s fair to say KFC would have been out of business if black people knew how to cook

Police today issued a description of a serial marmite thief. He has distinctive tattoos on his knuckles reading, ‘Love and Hate.’

My Potato looks so suave… Then again, it does have a jacket on.

I had one of those ready meals for tea. Cooperative sausages and mash. Far better than those uncooperative sausages and mash, which exploded in the microwave, set the house on fire and killed two of my friends.

Look on the bright side…at least Gordon has stopped smiling.