Category: food and drink

What did the peanut say when it sneezed? Cashew

I don’t need to spend a lot of money on a woman, just for her to tell me “You’ve had too much to drink!” The coppers do it for free.

News Headline: Hitler drinking game probed by Huddersfield university. Anyone else read this story for the simple purpose of finding out how it is played?

Just seen that new breakfast cereal for people with speech impediments. I think Rice Lispies are going to be big.

Sky News: Polish Woman Jailed After Baby Choked On Frankfurter. This really is just too easy.

Did you know there are more nutrients in the cardboard packaging for Cornflakes than in the Cornflakes themselves? In the case of Somerfield Basic Cornflakes, the packaging also wins in the taste test.

I was so close to getting in the Olympics this year. But they chose a different hamburger stall.

Whenever my wife is baking, myself and the kids race to lick the bowl. It’s the only way you can get the taste out of your mouth.

Typhoo tea : Surely it should be named Typhoon. Now that really would be a storm in a teacup

Bland salad…. that’s a problem that needs adressing

I get fed up of seeing drinking under ‘activities’ on Facebook walls. I mean, it’s obvious isn’t it? If not, they’d die of dehydration.

“It makes such a lovely change when you do the cooking” said my wife, tucking in to her dinner tonight. “Why, because it’s edible?” I replied.

A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant. “Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?” The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”

Rice is perfect if you’re hungry and you want to eat a thousand of something

Just had one of those ‘Whole Meal’ loaves. Only got halfway through before I was sick.