Category: food and drink

Yay i just brought a bag of air for 75p from the shop!! I got 7 crisps free! 😀 and a few crumbs

Who needs air when you’ve got chocolate free Aero?

I hate it when I get so drunk that I wake up and put my shoes on the wrong feet. “Sorry” I said to her “Can you take them off, please.”

I wondered what the colour of water is the other day. Then it became clear to me.

Definition of will power: being able to stop after one chocolate finger.

I’ve been drink driving for years now and have never been pulled over. In fact cars tend to get out of my way. I love working in my ambulance.

Trying to eat a potnoodle with a spoon is like going out with a 12 year old, You can’t get hold of anything!

What do you call and old fashioned cookery equipment song? Ladle vice.

I went to buy a 99 from the ice-cream van this afternoon, upon arrival I realised I was 30p short, so asked Mr Whippy for a 69. It didn’t taste of vanilla.

What’s the difference between black people and Libyans? Black people aren’t happy that the Colonel’s no longer around.

Why are some women like oysters? Because it usually takes a knife to get into them

How many cows can you fit in a bathtub? Just one, my wife.

My girlfriend is having ‘women’s problems’. She can’t get her souffle’s to rise.

I got kicked out of a restaurant last Sunday whilst everyone was having carvery. Apparently 6 bird roast is something to do with food.

I was looking forward to our local amateur dramatic society putting on a production of Jack and the Beanstalk. But they’ve had to cancel it over fears of E. Coli.