Category: food and drink

Since Christmas I have managed to lose 10 pounds. I think a fiver a month to Weight Watchers is fair enough for their advice.

Why did the biscuit cry? Because his mum was a wafer too long.

I am so glad Mc Donalds doesn’t sell Hot Dogs. I just don’t think I could order a “Mc Weiner” and then ask them to Super size it.

I wonder if the first person to pop a can of Pringles has stopped yet…

What did one Walkers crisp say to another Walkers crisp? Nothing, they were in two separate packets.

I got kicked out of the cinema last night for bringing my own food in with me. I was gutted. It’s ages since I’ve had a barbecue.

I was delighted with my wife’s reaction after she tasted the lovely biscuits I’d cooked her. I knew she was allergic to nuts.

I have just proposed to my girlfriend with an onion ring. She cried, bless her.

What came first? Egg fried rice or Chicken fried rice?

My best friend would have been competing in the Olympic games but he tested positive for two types of steroids and a synthetic growth hormone. It’s his own fault really, I did tell him to stop eating burgers from McDonald’s.

When it comes to buffets, I seriously can’t help myself. Which is one downfall of having no hands.

I love some imaginary eggs on my breakfast. You can’t beat them.

My wife said it would be nice if I bought a magnum of champagne for our wedding anniversary. I tried, but they only had double chocolate flavour at the petrol station.

I’m so hungry I could eat a horse. Which is convenient, because a new kebab shop’s just opened in town.

If you’re hungry, a coconut filled with chocolate milkshake makes a convenient ‘inside-out Bounty’