Category: food and drink

Carling : Win your perfect pint! So that’l be anything except Carling please

Why don’t Jews eat brussel sprouts? It gives them gas

I got some herbs out of the cupboard and held them up to the mirror. I needed some thyme to reflect.

I now realise why It’s not ideal to eat ice cream while using a laptop. I was talkng to my sister online and she asked me why I was typing so slowly, so I replied, ‘well my other hands busy; She hasn’t replied yet.

Two bags of crisps are walking down the street, A car pulls up and the driver offers them a lift, No thanks they reply, We`re walkers

I have just found out why my girlfriend has given me the nickname Subway. I promise a foot long but, just like Subway, I don’t deliver.

Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup. Oh, this won’t be long, sir. You see the spider on the plate’s edge?

The local Indian family in my area are thinking of opening a new Indian restaurant slash brothel.. ..They are going to call it: A Taste of Punan.

I like drinking in Freehouses, but tougher squatting laws have made it very difficult.

I went to a restaurant and ordered fish and chips. After a few mouthfuls I called the waiter over. ‘ I’ve tasted fresher fish than this, ‘ I said. ‘ Not in here, ‘ replied the waiter.

I Am proud that I always have my Five fruit-a-day. Half a pack of Starburst!

Boil a live lobster and you’re a chef, boil a live kitten and suddenly it’s a big deal.

I have a mate named Phil Level, and everytime I see him, I get this uncanny desire for a Pot Noodle.

I was standing in front of the mirror earlier,admiring my sixpack for a good couple minutes. But then I got really thirsty and drank it all.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get unless you choose your own selection and use the clear descriptions on the packaging along with helpful photographs of each individual type so you don’t get confused.