Category: food and drink

It was pitch black, and some guy offered me either tequilla or sambuca. Not sure what it was. Shot in the dark really.

My Batchelors lifestyle is getting boring. Cup-a-Soup is all I know how to make.

I saw a farmer in a field playing a board game on a pig. I asked him “what game are you playing?” “Backgammon” he replied.

I went to a cafe and ordered a cup of tea today. The waitress came back with a cup of lukewarm water, a jug of milk, some sugar and a teabag. So when she asked for the money I gave her the ‘situations vacant’ page from the local paper and told her to make her […]

Gutted. Left a large bag of those chocolate and toffee sweets in my car in the hot sun. What a sad state of eclairs.

Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife’s dead.

I’ve always been put off by Subways slogan “Eat Fresh” As opposed to what?

I was having dinner in a restaurant when the waiter said, “Can I get your bill, sir?” I said, “Are you sure that you can afford it?”

When’sa your Dolmio day? Bin day.

A friend of mine was having trouble naming her twin boys, she asked for my opinion so I advised her to go with what her gut was telling her. She went with Egg and Chips.

Eating garlic bread is a lot like fingering. It feels great at the time but you know there’ll be a smell afterwards.

Watered down Booze. That’ll dampen the Spirits.

Standing there, shaking, with a crazy stare in her tearful eyes, my wife looked down at the charred remains of her latest victim. I held her tightly, and whispered into her ear… “Never mind love. I’ll treat us to a takeaway instead.”

The other day my mate said to me, “If I was a McDonald’s meal, which one would I be?” So I stopped and thought for a little while and replied, “A Fillet-O-Fish: you’re always there but no one really likes you.”

The Tango has been declared part of the world’s Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by the United Nations. I still prefer Fanta though.