Category: family

My daughter’s really upset today – a boy touched her up at the under 14’s disco last night. I was fuming! I would’ve punched his lights out if I hadn’t been chucked out first.

people think i’m weird because i only buried the right half of my dead daughter, but i just wanted to keep everything i had left of her.

I just hit my wife with a memory foam pillow. She’ll never forget it!

I fear the moment that the world as we know it changes, the moment that makes you a different person. Your mum added you as a friend to Facebook.

The Mans rule of conduct: If another guy’s zip is open, thats their problem, you didn’t see anything.

I decided to put my wife on that TV show, ‘Take me out’. That is the one with the snipers yeah?

I’ve been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator. Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.

Long ago my wife and I made a decision to be happy. But then we had kids anyway.

Mummy, Mummy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Shut up and get back in the oven.

My wife told me I’m a terrible Father. She said I really need to pull my finger out Of our son.

My wife thinks I’m weird for inviting my 10 year-old sons’ girlfriend around to our house for dinner. Apparently I should have invited my wife and son as well.

The missus is dragging me to see the inlaws tomorrow. A special forces rescue team would be appreciated…though preferably not an American one

The last few weeks have been brilliant spending time with my wife and children But it was difficult explaining that daddy will soon be gone and wont be around very much. But come on football season is about to resume.

An eerie thing is causing my close relatives to send me badly written letters. Whatever it is, it makes my kin scrawl.

My daughter has some flawless logic. She said “The world can’t end in 2012; I have a yoghurt that expires in 2013.”