Category: family

It’s nice in the sun. But it’s even nicer in the daughter

My Dad has a tendency to over elaborate the facts. Ever since he single handedly repelled the enemy forces during world war two.

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said […]

Smoking killed my grandad. One evening he lit up a cig in no man’s land and a sniper blew his head off.

When I was younger like everyone else, I had an imaginary friend. But mine was an alcoholic, and I called him dad.

The school said my son is really clever and could end up being a scientist! I wonder where he gets that from? I’ll ask the milkman – he’s in Mensa and has been on Mastermind.

Statement: Your son doesn’t really take after your side, a bit from his mothers… Real Meaning: He looks like the milkman.

I’ve just found out I’ve got a three year old daughter! My wife says I need to be a bit more attentive round the house.

I’m a good kind of guy who laughs at my own mistakes. My son didn’t think it was funny though…

Me and My Girlfriend have decided that we don’t want to have children. If anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow….

Liverpool…..The only place where you can find a multipack of Fathers’ Day cards.

Seeing grandparents at Christmas is brilliant; it reminds you that, no matter how bad you get, there’s always someone more racist than you.

A wife walks in and says to her husband; “I’ve some good news and some bad news!” “What’s the good news?” asks hubby. “The air bag on your brand new Audi works fine!”

Why is your mum so fat? Every time she swallows, I buy her a cake.

My Grandad told me one of his favourite jokes from back in the day. ‘Three black men were on fire……..’ I guess his humour was a little basic.