Category: family

Just sitting down to play Modern Warfare now. Or visiting the in-laws for dinner over the Christmas season as others call it.

So it’s mothers day i had trouble deciding what to get my mother-in-law i couldn’t choose between a toyota prius or a holiday in haiti, so eventually i plumped for luging lessons in vancouver.

Why do parents always take their children to the supermarket to smack them?

My wife’s been by my side for ages, but she’s said she’s had enough and is leaving. Can’t blame her, the queue at the clap clinic just wasn’t moving.

You know it is time to put your Dad in a care home when you need a guardrail at the top of the stairs every night.

I had to beat my Son earlier, he came home from school and used the ‘C’ word. I can’t believe he managed to find out about Childline.

So the Government are going to give cash handouts to green drivers. I wonder how much my Mother in Law will get for her broomstick?

The wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Starship Troopers… Would you like to know more?

They say nothing compares to a mothers love. I remember her fondly saying “dont come running to me if you break your leg” and “Dont come crying to me when your father makes you suck him off”. Makes me feel sorry for anyone from an unloved family,that must have been horrible.

My wife and my life are quite similar. I know one day they’re going to leave me but they would never have the courage to do it when I’m awake.

I brought my kids some crayons yesterday… It was a present to make my kin scrawl.

I was sad when my grandparents died. It was especially sad because we lost a unique generation that could instantly mend any electrical appliance under the sun just by giving it a good hefty whack with an old slipper.

I said to my parents, “Mum, Dad… I’ve decided to live on my own from now on.” “Okay, cool,” they replied. “Your luggage is outside,” I added.

Taking my wife to see the Muppets tonight. I hope her mum cooks something I like this time

What do hillbillies do at Halloween? Pumpkin.