Category: family

I love going to bed with my wife knowing that when I wake up I get to hear those three magical words every man loves to hear in the morning; ”Here’s your tea’

I was asked to describe my relationship with my father… “Beats me,” I replied.

When I have a bad dream I ask my daughter if I can get into her bed with her.

My daughter barely speaks to me and I love it. She looks great naked.

My big sister is not talking to me anymore. For her 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

My wife reckons I don’t treat my ginger stepson fairly:. “I can’t believe you won’t let him come on holiday with us” she said “He’s always wanted to go to Disneyland” “I don’t care, he always spoils holidays for his brother and sister” I replied. “Why should we let him ruin this one too?” “Because […]

I’ve just spent all morning digging up the allotment for my grandad. I can’t remember where I buried him.

It was mine and my wife’s anniversary. After work i stopped off and got a bunch of flowers. When i brought them home, she told me they looked like i found them in a bin. Jokes on her though. I found them tied to a fence at the side of the road.

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny comes running over. He says ”Mommy, Mommy. I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others clothes and laid down on the bed…” The mother interupts him. ”Stop right […]

Worthers original… A creamy golden reminder that grandad’s dead

I saw the photos of his kids on my boss’s desk- “You must feel blessed to have two beautiful children,” I told him. “Well, actually I’ve got three kids,” he answered. “I know,” I said.

Manchester City midfielder Shawn Wright Phillips has been put on the transfer list today, Madonna is said to be interested

Tonight was the best night of my life, I had my first daughter. I can’t wait to have my second daughter, she should be home any minute now.

Was having a nice family game of football earlier and, despite their youthful energy, managed to beat both my kids. It made me feel better after losing to them at the football.

Did you know that 8 out of 10 kids aren’t getting enough protein in their diet? And did you know that the other 2 in my room are getting plenty?