Category: family

I woke up this morning to my wife standing over me. “Happy birthday!” she burst out. “Guess where we’re going tonight?” “Where? Where?” I asked, with delight. “Spain! For a week!” she winked. “The kids as well?” I said, smile spread across my face. “Oh yes,” she giggled. “You’re the best!” I replied. “When do […]

Not really a joke but i thought it was quite funny, I was walking home the other day and in one of the gardens was a man sitting down in a sunbed reading the paper with a cup of tea. Next to him his wife was mowing the lawn. I should have saluted the man […]

Men are like bad drivers – always pulling out not caring who’s coming!

One of my daughters suffers from a terrible nut allergy. She’s ok with the bell-end and shaft, but she starts to choke and her eyes water when I force my nuts in her mouth as well.

After years of resentment between me and my mother-in-law, i’ve finally developed an attachment for her. It fits over her mouth and stops her breathing.

I remember dad coming home, telling mum the factory was closing and there’d be no more work. Then he sat down in his chair and screamed at the top of his voice – it was possibly the wrong moment to have played the drawing pin on the seat gag.

Unlike some people on Sickipedia, I am not tempted by incest and paedophilia. My daughter is too precious. And ugly.

I went to visit my mother earlier, that’s me bang up to date with whose terminally ill.

As I checked in at Heathrow Terminal 5, I was told that I would have to pay excess baggage costs. I knew I shouldn’t have brought the wife.

Last week my wife told me that I spend too much time on Sickipedia. She said, “It’s either Sickipedia or me and the kids, your choice”. To be honest I don’t even miss them.

Top Tip: Forget rip off sites like Friends Reunited and Genes Reunited. If you want to get in contact with long lost friends or relatives… Simply win the lottery.

Parents. It’s people like them that give us a bad name.

My mum just came in from work while I was babysitting my brother. I said, “Mum, Billy’s just died.” She went into a mad panic and broke down in tears, “Tell me it isn’t true,” she cried. I said, “Yeah I was only joking.” “Thank god, oh thank you god,” she sobbed. I said, “Yeah, […]

I dont need a job, I have got money. Its just tied up in my mum and dads house.

I arrived home to find the police waiting for me. “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but your wife is dead.” said an officer. “She went to the bakery, bought two pies, ate one and then dropped dead. “What happened to the other pie?” I asked.