Category: family

I was raised by my father, my mother left before i was born…

Since my kids stopped believing in Santa, things have become quite awkward. They now know it’s me that doesn’t buy them presents.

My daughter looks so cute in a little sailors suit! The salty spray in her hair…

Losing one parent is unlucky. Losing the other is just careless.

My gran asked me to go round there earlier and help her in the garden. So I went round there and pushed her out the back door.

Had a great day at the beach with all the family. The kids buried their mother in the sand, we all had ice cream and rides on the donkeys and, at the end of the day we packed up and walked back to the car. That’s when my daughter said “What about mum?” I said […]

It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family. “And what does your Daddy do?” “He’s a magician.” “That must be exciting” What tricks can he do?” “He can saw people in half.” “That is clever. And, tell me, do you have any brothers or sisters?” […]

When I was younger my Grandma used to rub lard into my Grandpa’s back when he was ill. He went down hill fast after that.

Its important that you remember your elderly relatives in this cold winter weather. Pop round, open a few windows and think of the inheritance.

The banks are like family. Always there for you, but if you need money They don’t know who you are.

My wife came home yesterday and burst into the room and without explanation said she wanted a divorce and threw me out of the house straight afterwards. I was left with only the clothes I stood up in . . . . . . Our daughter’s bra and panties!

My 11 yr old daughter is having a friend stay over tonight. What ever the outcome is I will wake up in the morning with a big smile on my face knowing that I will have had my first ever threesome.

I want to buy some land to raise some sheep and cows and pigs. so I went to an estate agents called Anemo. Everyone knows An Emo Sell Farms

I said, “I’ve bought some of that white plastic garden furniture” My mate said, “Bad idea mate. I’ve heard of loads of people getting seriously injured when the chairs break” I said, “I know … the mother-in-law is coming over for a barbecue this weekend”

I wouldn’t say my mother was a nosey old cow, but she’s just applied to go on Mastermind with the specialist subject: The comings and goings at our neighbours house – 1830 to half past midnight.