When I was a kid we had a …
When I was a kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
Continue ReadingThey say that you should never go back to a firework once it’s been lit. Our back garden’s been out of bounds since 1997.
Continue ReadingDarling I said you remind me of a swan. My wife replied, because of my beauty and grace? No love because you’re a bit of a fat bird.
Continue ReadingI think I must be going bald… It’s taking longer and longer to wash my face in the morning…
Continue ReadingJust found out my dad used to work for Johnny Cash! Collecting the money from condom machines.
Continue ReadingDead. Carlsberg don’t do mother-in-laws…
Continue ReadingMy parents have decided to put my gran into a care home, after she tearfully broke down, admitting to symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Maybe it’s time I stopped using rohypnol.
Continue ReadingEvery Xmas the family likes to play charades. Our Nan tries to be as accurate as possible meaning her basic instinct is not such a highlight.
Continue ReadingMy father got up and announced that he was engaged to be married yesterday. I was made up for him, but my sister broke down in tears and ran off, missing the rest of our mother’s funeral.
Continue ReadingMy wife says i never let her see her mother. I’ve now given permission for her to turn the picture around once a week.
Continue ReadingTip for the kids – When your mum is angry with your dad, dont let her brush your hair!
Continue ReadingWife asked me why the PC volume is always at zero when she switches it on in a morning. “Windows default love,” I said. Quite convincingly.
Continue ReadingI lost my Grandfather last week. That was the worst game of Poker I have ever been involved in.
Continue ReadingI was driving in a town near Arkinsaw the other day and my girlfriend said to me ‘Isn’t this place notorious for incest?’ I replied ‘No but it’s relatively close’
Continue ReadingI tried to register for phone banking, but couldn’t set it up. I was adopted and don’t know my mothers maiden name.
Continue Reading