Category: family

The doctor told us that my wife only had days to live. I began to get really worried for our children. It was going to be a nightmare finding foster parents at such short notice.

I just started to rummage through my teenage sister’s knicker drawer then quickly realised I was doing something totally wrong – I should check the laundry basket first.

I thought i would make the mother in laws room more comfy as she is staying for a while , i just don’t know where to put the bikes and the lawn mower.

I was brought up by a family of Bulimics.

“Mummy, Mummy, can’t we give Jane’s baby a proper funeral?” “Shut up and keep flushing!”

Whenever I feel depressed at work about my mundane job, I look at the picture on my desk of the wife and kids and thank my lucky stars. That I’m at work.

BBC News : ‘Call For Children’s Fitness Tests’ If it means my daughter having even more stamina then i’m all for it.

Making children is for people that can’t afford a dog

My daughter and wife had a race to see who could hang the most washing out. It was level pegging at the end.

Today I asked the missus if she fancied going to see a romantic film then maybe having a nice meal somewhere. She seemed really excited. “Sounds fantastic! How thoughtful of you!” “Great,” I said. “There’s thirty quid. I’ll see you in a few hours, I’m going to the pub.”

BBC News- man found chopped up in the River Hull A spokswomen for the family said that they loved him to bits

You know you have no social life when your 70 year old mother gets more texts then you. It’s even worse when she hasn’t had a working mobile for 3 years.

I hate going to see Grandma cos she always slips me the tongue when I give her a kiss. On the plus side though she swallows like a goodun.

My wife’s dinners melt in my mouth. I wish she’d defrost them first.

When life gives you lemons… Send them to my grandma. She can make a meal out of anything and enjoys getting mail.