Category: family

Walking down the road with my elderly father, I saw a stray dog walking in our direction. I petted him and allowed him to walk along with us. “You know,” I said “I’ve always wanted a dog.” “Well son” said my dad “my asthma, I can’t live with a dog!” “That’s true” I said. I […]

Whenever anyone asks me whether I have kids I always give a cheeky wink and reply with “Not that I know of.” My wife doesn’t like this. And my son hates it.

Every woman has something beautiful. In my wife’s case it’s her younger sister.

We took the Mother-in-Law to Blackpool, and she moaned and whined ALL the way there. Even after we took her off the roof rack.

”Mum can i wear my mini skirt? ”no.” ”what about my make up?” ”no.” ”but im 17?!” ”I know John..”

My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. “Two quid for a cup of tea?!” I said, “Well you just popped round, I didn’t invite you!”

My gran’s one of those people who thinks a cup of tea is the answer to everything. And the daft bat still wonders why she didn’t get past the first round of Mastermind.

“Dad, can you do my maths homework for me?” “No son, it wouldn’t be right.” “Well, at least you could try.”

I recently traced my family tree… It was easier, I’m rubbish at drawing.

Just dropped my little one off at the school gates. Don’t know why. He works nowhere near the school.

I’ve never seen my mum. She left before I was born.

Went to the planetarium with my family this afternoon. Imagine my wife’s surprise when she discovered she’s not the centre of the universe!

9 months prior to our birthdays we should have a “celebrate dad bending mum over day”

My grammar past away several years ago. God rest her soul.

I’m not very happy that my Daughter and her friends are locked in the bathroom spending ages getting themselves ready for a night out. It took me ages to find a good hiding spot in her bedroom.