Category: family

My new television has parental control. I’m going to use it to get my mum to make me a sandwich.

Put an end to fathers for justice…. ….have a kid with Britney Spears

My daughter’s had her tongue pierced. I caught her smoking, so nailed it to the coffee table.

My daughter has recently started sleep walking. Or so the wife thinks….

I read somewhere that 37 is too old to still be living with your parents. It was on a note, in my bedroom.

I am such a loser that I took my sister out for dinner on Valentine’s Day. Still got laid, though.

Top Tip! Tired of sleeping with the same wife? Simply lie on top of her until she goes numb, and Hey Presto! She’ll feel like someone else’s wife.

How do you know when a family get together has gone too far? You can confirm your Mums a squirter.

Men are rather like periods to a woman, they come and they go, but when she hits a certain age they just stop coming altogether.

We had visitors at dinner time. It was time for them to leave when our daughter sharon offered to lead us in prayer; “Dear God, I thank you for giving me such lovable parents, Thank you for the visitors and their children who ate all my cookies and icecream. Bless them so that they shall […]

My son tragically lost his life over the weekend. He got his finger stuck in a ring.

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will […]

I went to see a bearded dragon today… …or as my wife prefers me to call her, the mother in law.

I don’t see a problem with Autoerotic Asphyxiation, I like my men well hung…

“iPad is thin. iPad is beautiful.” Can I trade in my wife?